Sleepless nights...

I’m always searching and wondering, never quite content.
I try often to remember the times in my life when I felt full, peaceful, and happy.
They are brief moments buried in the libraries of my mind. Unless I go looking for them they often hide.

Family.
In that one word I can tell you when and how I was the happiest and content.
Not knowing then, how lucky I was, all I wanted to do was go.
My childhood was full. Precious moments in a house always full of people, love and laughter.
Riding my blue 12 speed bike through nature trails with big brother Greg, I still remember the exact shade and if I close my eyes I can even see the twists and turns.
Exchanging jokes and remarks at the dinner table, or anywhere with Tasso getting everyone to laugh, the world was our stage.
Christmas!
Easter Baskets full of chocolate.
My room was the safest place on earth to be, always.
The kitchen, where there was always something good to eat.
The basement full of forgotten things, creativity, darkness, and checking the clothes lines for tomorrows jeans.
The excitement of sneaking into my sister's things, that I secretly admired when she was gone, and our long conversations all through the night.
My parents, the ones responsible for it all, who put themselves aside and gave unconditionally.
Home.
Even when things were sometimes not so easy for us, we still had each other and that made it all just right. We will always have each other.
No matter how far we live apart, our spirits are always united.
It was so perfect that nothing ever can compare.
At least I know that now, now that I have been so far away for so long.
It’s never the same once you are gone.
You see, I was so unprepared.
All I knew was love, appreciation, kindness and fun.
I expected to find only those same things when I was gone.
Love.
It should have a different name to go along with its many faces.
I never knew it changes.
When I decide it, it is forever.
That is all I know for sure.


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